Sunday, June 22, 2014

Ruffled Feathers

“You've got this life and while you've got it, you'd better kiss like you only have one moment, try to hold someone's hand like you will never get another chance to, look into people's eyes like they're the last you'll ever see, watch someone sleeping like there's no time left, jump if you feel like jumping, run if you feel like running, play music in your head when there is none, and eat cake like it's the only one left in the world!”

This week I have seen some pretty remarkable things and some pretty fucked up things, so basically, another day in the life of Amy. Time to bring the house DOWN (but don’t worry, there’s a point to all this). My mom was bedridden for much of my life. She used to say that there are angels living amongst us that look like ordinary people, but they are here to guide us and make us better people. I believed her! I believed that she had some insight, due to her illness, that no one else had. Gigs up! You guys can’t hide from me anymore. Tuck those wings away all you want, but I saw some pretty amazing angels this week, front and center!!! I saw a friend that I haven’t seen since college drive far, far away to attend Tameria’s benefit, without ever having met her, because that’s what friends do when bad/sad things happen…they show up! I saw two friends drive to California with the goal of sitting in a hospital just to see someone smile. I saw the labor of love of making a zillion meatballs so we could feed our stomachs and our hearts. Bad things happen sometimes. The people in your life are how you get through it. It takes a village to raise a child they say. Why stop at children? It takes a village to raise adults. Your peeps. Your rocks. The people you text, or hug, or share a beer with. Sometimes just to say HI and sometimes to have a shoulder to cry on…ok and sometimes to have a Karaoke partner, but for some reason you guys kinda suck at letting me do that..anyways…my daughter has a friend that texted her in the middle of the night and said she was in trouble and needed her help right away! After much discussion I allowed her to go pick her up…on the side of a road…in the middle of the night…with two plastic bags to her name…homeless…scared…beat up…addicted. She texted my daughter, 'Help me'. And my daughter was there. She felt like she had no one. She tried to overdose to make it all go away, and thankfully she survived. 18 years old and believed she had no one. Everyone, no matter who you are, defines their ‘angel’ through their own eyes. The people who show up, when it’s ugly and dirty and sad and painful and no filter can make it look any better. Your beacon of light when it seems really dark and scary in this big, messy, fucked up world. My sister in law had a party with all her friends…to celebrate summer…happiness and smiles were flowing. She told me they, “danced like it was their last day on earth”. It ended with her friend thinking that this life was too hard for her to handle…she gave up….she left her four kids and loving husband and friends and probably a dog or a cat and gave up……………………………. A phone call or a text or a whisper or a note or a tear or a scream from the highest mountain and someone would have been there to show her all the reasons why she was loved. Why she should live! That call never came. Her ‘angels’ were right there, but she didn’t see them or felt hopeless that there weren’t any. And all of the friends are left with the ‘whys’ and the sadness and the confusion. The impact we make in the lives of those around us are not always visible. The impressions we make on other people in our lives effects people differently and for different reasons. Have you ever run into someone whom you haven’t seen in ages and they tell you a memory about you that you don’t even remember yourself? Something you did or said and you’re all, “OMG I don’t even remember that?”. But they remembered it. It meant something to them. You did something so insignificant to you, but it engraved in their memory. Perhaps to make them smile, to help them out of a hard situation, to change their life. A grain of sand on the beach seems so insignificant, but so crucial to the big picture. It all adds up. Make it happen. Share love and smiles. Hold hands and hearts. Laugh and cry and get raw to the point that you can’t bear to hear anymore. Be present. Sometimes I just want to scream, “YOU ARE MY PEOPLE” at each and every one of my friends. The family that I chose to make me smile, laugh, cry, and sometimes crazy. The people who ‘show up’ when things go dark. The beacons of light. You’re right, Mom…there are angels disguised as regular, ordinary people living around us. except, I call them my friends.

P.S. Yes, this counts as church.

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