“My idea of Christmas, whether
old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it,
why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?”
― Bob Hope
"It's not even Thanksgiving
yet, Mom". I heard this all night since I started putting up one of our
trees. I have always wanted a massive Christmas tree. There are only a few
material things that I have always wanted in my life and a massive tree is one
of those things. I like to concentrate more on the intangibles when I create my
‘want’ lists, like love that is pure and strong; kindness that is felt with
your heart; a healthy family; good friends that have your back; and laughter
that makes your belly hurt. That’s my REAL want list. But ya, I also have that
list of wants that can be bought, too. And a 12 foot tree at my entrance of my
home was one of them. Check that off! I also have always wanted a huge fountain
in front of my home, a front door adorned with topiaries, and a miniature horse
if you are thinking of what to get me for Christmas. Oh well, I guess I still
have time. So I brewed a pot of coffee and sat under the new addition to my
home. There is something about a bright Christmas tree when the rest of the
house is dark that makes you feel nostalgic. In the glow of my tree it made me
think that maybe it isn’t the tree that I really wanted. I think what I really
want is every person that walks into our home to feel the love that comes at
this time of the year. I want that tree to blast them with the need for family
and gathering. I want them to feel the warmth of this home that is filled with
the most important people in my life. I want the kids to walk downstairs in the
morning or when they are up late at night and know that this mom of theirs
is creating an environment for them to feel peaceful and loved. This is the
last year that the boys will be home until they go to college. They will be
seeing next year’s tree on their visit home for Christmas on their college
break. They won’t be able to enjoy it in the weeks before Christmas any more
after THIS Christmas. So I put that damn tree up extra early this year so that
they can get it engraved in their minds about what it feels like when that tree
is lit. (I also have a Europe trip planned and won’t be home for the December 1
house decorating that we always do, but that’s a different blog post). Anyways,
the house is that much more cozier and loving at this time of the year. C.
Joybbell C. said that, “Hopefully, our soft
moments in life will largely outweigh, outrank, and outrun our dark moments”.
This is one of those ‘soft' moments, when the house is filled with the Christmas
spirit. Last year I didn’t really want to ‘DO’ Christmas. I kept most of our
decorations in storage. I unenthusiastically put up our tree and threw on some
decorations and BAM that was Christmas. There wasn’t any particular event that
made me less Cristmas-y. I just didn’t feel it. Slightly Scroogesque. How sad I
think. I have decided that as long as I have these miniature adults in my home
I am going to overdo every single special moment that we share together so that
when it is time for them to have their own families, they will remember how it
was in this home. They will create their own memories from the reflectance of
our time together. Hannah sent me a video of her apartment and their tree.
There was a candle lit by their tv; a tree by their window; a wreath on their
front door; Christmas decorations throughout their apartment; and pillows to
match. And in the one-minute video that she sent to me I could see the smiles
on their faces. I could hear the laughter. One of the roommates was dancing
amidst the glow of their tree. They got it…..the feelings that come with the
light of a Christmas tree. I’m sure some people in some houses put up the
biggest tree to outshine their neighbors or fill up their spaces. Not in THIS
house. I went big to make a statement to all who enter and all who live here
that THIS year we are enjoying every single moment we have together. The
message will be loud and clear: In this family we do love; we do togetherness;
we do it our way! .”The rest of the year, I wondered if the point of Christmas
was just spending money and getting fat and opening gifts. Indulging. But when
Christmas finally comes, and that warm, tingly, mints-and-sweaters-and-fireplace-fires
feeling gathers in the bottom of your stomach, and you're lying on the floor
with all the lights off but the ones on the Christmas tree, and listening to
the silence, you see the point. For that one instance
in time, everything is good in the world. It doesn't matter if everything isn't
actually good. It's the one time of the year when pretending is enough.”
p.s. Be prepared for
the next blog entry title, “Get this damn tree out of my house”.
