“Every one of a
hundred thousand cities around the world has its own special sunset and it was
worth going there, just once, if only to see the sun go down.”
We used to visit
Washington, Pennsylvania every summer growing up. No, not Washington like where
the President lives. This is far different. I am not even sure it can really be
found on a map. It is a town where neighbors know each other; families never
leave; sidewalks are broken; grocers know everyone by name; and where my dad
mowed grass so he could earn money for college. My grandparents lived there and
never left. The houses have big porches. Neighbors sit outside and wave and
talk to each other across their yards. The simple life. Generations where
people found their place in the world and then simply never left. My
grandmother had wind up chattering teeth in a top drawer of her sunroom. It was
the first thing we would do when we got to her house. A ritual. A way of
showing how we missed the things and the people in that home. And at the end of
the trip, as we drove our station wagon down the street, my grandmother would
stand in the middle of the road and wave. She would stand in that road until
she could not see us anymore…even when she was a teeny tiny little speck in the
road as we went up the hill, she would still be there waving. I always wondered
what she did as we turned the corner. I always imagined her sitting on that
front porch and crying, but I hope she maybe was happy for the visit, or maybe
relieved that three kids were finally gone. Maybe she waved in the middle of
her little street until she was a tiny speck on the horizon to make sure we
were 100% gone!!! It was a time where you couldn’t scroll through a camera on
your phone and look at all the good times you had. You literally had to wait
about a week to get any of those pictures back. So she didn’t even have that
option to keep her company in our leaving. We went many places growing up.
Summers in Barbados; trips to NYC; Ocean City, Maryland; San Diego. Making
memories and rituals in every town along the way. Naturally I, in turn, show my
children the things that I loved, as I was a child. Trips to the beach to catch
the sunset and make s’mores in a fire pit as we watch the end of the day sink
into the ocean. And the cycle continues, and then you see your kids doing the
same things in their life that you introduced them to. So often my kids say
things to me about something they did or said and it is EXACTLY what I did at
their age. The other day my daughter said they were the last ones dancing at a
club because they were having too much fun and didn’t want to come home. BINGO
DONE THAT! In fact they say that many of the people who died when the Titanic
went down is because they didn’t want to leave the dance floor. Some people
simply can’t stop themselves from enjoying life. The puzzle pieces that are put
together piece-by-piece make up who you are today. Eventually somewhere along
the way the feeling of a particular place is so good that you never want it to
end. Miami is one of my happy places. I introduced it to my girls several years
ago. It is a place where the tempo is as good as the sunsets. It is a place
where when you have nothing to do you can just sit in the sand and be. It is a
place where a piece of my heart will live in the next month. My Ashley.
Spreading her wings. She found ‘her place’ she says. They say you can’t tell
your kids they can do anything they put their hearts to and spread their wings
and fly, only to have their wings clipped by the people in their lives. It’s Ashley’s
story that she is writing, not mine. As I laid in bed for many sleepless nights
with the feelings only a mother can understand, I was sad for what I was
losing; what I was going to miss; what I would feel like. ME ME ME. This wasn’t
about me. She can’t live her life so that I feel comfortable. My friend Carol’s
beautiful daughter Emily is in the Peace Corp in the middle of Africa. She
lives in a mud hut with a family and is learning their language a million miles
away from her friends and family. Carol and I were talking (Hi Carol I told you
that you would make the blog some day) about how hard it is. Our relationships
will be changed when they return. I mean who the hell are we supposed to go to
Starbucks with now???? But families grow up and move away and evolve. That’s
what our ultimate goals as parents are, right? To raise our children to ‘find
their places’ in the world?! Or at least TRY…or at least WANT to try…to change
and grow and prosper?! And if that plan doesn’t work out they can come back
home and start all over again! Now I understand why my grandmother stood in the
middle of the road until she was a grain of sand out our back window. She
wanted to soak in every last minute of every last second with all the love and
faith she had in us until we disappeared to live our new lives. Good to the
last drop…..
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